A partially in-depth analysis of Boris Johnson’s proposed Withdrawal Agreement Bill

Having obtained, read and inwardly digested overnight the entire text of the proposed Withdrawal Agreement Bill, I can say with a high degree of confidence that Brexit under these or any terms will inevitably lead to the United Kingdom becoming significantly more fucked than it already is. This can be seen in Fig.1.

As you can see, our current level of fucktitude is relatively low (though higher than most European countries) but, post-Brexit, this will dramatically increase to a level of fucktitude higher even than Luxembourg, if Luxembourg were made entirely of dog shit and James Blunt records.

The most widely used example of change pre- and post-Brexit is the import of medicine from the EU. Currently this is a frictionless process but, post-Brexit, medicine will be subject to enormous friction, causing some or all of the medicine to catch fire. Dr. Alan Pills, head of the British Medical Association, has predicted that this will be unhelpful.

The just-in-time manufacturing sector would be similarly disrupted. Currently this supply of essential components flows effortlessly and predictably, enabling efficient workflow. But, after Brexit, the man who says “Phew, just in time!” every time a new shipment arrives would be dragged into the gutter and given a kicking for being so annoying.

It isn’t just the supply of goods that would be affected. Services, too, will become much more difficult to procure. For example, the UK currently imports more than 750,000 marriage and funeral services annually from Poland, Spain, Italy and France. Post-Brexit, each vicar will need to be individually vetted and issued with his or her own ‘Priest Passport’, causing potentially enormous delays to marriages and deaths running into weeks or even months.

It’s clear, on inspection of the Withdrawal Agreement Bill, that Brexit will fuck every element of our lives from artichokes to zebras, and no-one enjoys a fucked artichoke or a fucked zebra. For that reason, and for the reasons I outline above, I urge MPs to vote down the Withdrawal Agreement Bill and give Boris Johnson a sharp smack in the man tits.

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