Craig David returns as James Bond in his latest high-octane adventure, the follow-up to 2015’s disappointing Skidmark. After his license to kill is reduced to a license to maim after a pre-credit sequence involving three nuns, a sledgehammer and some poor judgment, 007 is forced to team up with beautiful independent CIA operative Feisty Whoppers (Jill Woman). Together they are ordered to take out a cunning international badger baiter known only as Le Master Baiter.
Smashed off his man-tits on Martinis and cheap cider and popping pickled onions like pain pills, Bond travels the world somehow visiting places he’s never visited before in an attempt to catch Le Master Baiter before he blows up every badger on Earth with his orbiting satellite debadgerisation laser. Can 007 punch enough things, sleep with Feisty Whoppers before she’s arbitrarily murdered, and still find time to look inwards in an attempt to humanise himself for an audience asked to root for a professional killer? Find out in seven months if you haven’t died from coronavirus (124 minutes).