Old people are the future

Amanda Solloway MP

Following the vote in the House of Commons to deny free school meals to underprivileged children, I wrote to Amanda Solloway, my Conservative MP who voted with the majority:

Dear Amanda Solloway,

As my MP (I didn’t vote for you but, please, keep reading), I thought I would write to you to congratulate you on your ‘No’ vote on Free School Meals yesterday. Much is made these days about children being the future of the country, but how are they supposed to understand the realities of modern life if we just feed them whenever they’re hungry?

Twitter is currently full of angry people thoughtlessly using the #ToryScum and #ToryScumOut hashtags, unable to comprehend how a person such as you could vote to deny food to underprivileged children. The truth is it takes people like you and your fellow Conservative MPs, who are in a position to help, to make the hard decisions.

We both understand that, ultimately, the hundreds of millions of pounds spent on perfecting the COVID-19 test and trace system will save approximately as many lives as feeding hungry British children, and those who can’t see the bigger picture should stay in their lane.

Please rest assured that, at the next election, your actions yesterday in allowing children to suffer for the greater good ensure that you will have my vote.

Yours sincerely,

Neil Green

If I receive a reply, I’ll update this post.

How to replace OpenSSH with Dropbear on Raspberry Pi OS Buster

OpenSSH is the default SSH server/client on Raspberry Pi OS (formerly known as Raspbian), but on systems where RAM is at a premium – the Raspberry Pi 3 Model A+ or Raspberry Pi Zero W, for example – saving memory can be important. One simple way to do this is by replacing OpenSSH with a similar but more lightweight SSH program called Dropbear. Here’s how:

First, install Dropbear:

sudo apt-get install dropbear

Answer yes at the prompt by pressing enter. Next, edit the Dropbear configuration file with:

sudo nano /etc/default/dropbear

and change the line

NO_START=1

to

NO_START=0

save the file with ctrl-o > enter > ctrl-x.

Now stop OpenSSH (if you have accessed your Pi with SSH, you won’t lose your connection):

sudo systemctl stop sshd.service

Now enable and start Dropbear with:

sudo systemctl enable dropbear.service

followed by:

sudo systemctl start dropbear.service

At this point it is safe to disable OpenSSH with

sudo systemctl disable sshd.service

Optionally, reboot your Raspberry Pi:

sudo reboot

Next time you SSH to your Pi you will probably see a message that says:

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
@    WARNING: REMOTE HOST IDENTIFICATION HAS CHANGED!     @
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

This is because, when it was installed, Dropbear generated new SSH keys. Edit your ~/.ssh/known_hosts file to delete the line containing the IP address of your Pi and SSH to your Pi again.

Once you’re sure everything is working properly, and if you want to, you can remove openssh-server:

sudo apt-get purge openssh-server

Trump on sharks

President Donald Trump points at something the rest of us can't see
You’re going to need a bigger vote

“…I tell you, sharks are crazy. Did you know there’s a type of shark called a shit shark? It lives in San Francisco and runs a coffee shop. Shunned by all the other sharks. They live in the sea, you know, mostly, the sharks do. That’s ridiculous, but the sharks don’t know that. All they do is swim around and eat people. They say the sharks are part of the deep state but I don’t know, you know.

“I had a shark guy call me up on the phone – I don’t think he was a guy who was also a shark, I think he was a shark genius – and he told me they caught a shark living in an apartment in France that was 35 feet long and when they cut it open they found a guy living in there – he had a sofa-bed and an oil lamp, TV, everything. Split level grill. Sharks are crazy, just crazy.

“They used sharks during the war, you know – the Vietnam War, that was a great war – they’d sneak up on our troops in the jungles, just terrible. That was the reason we lost that war, the sharks. And Obama. What’s this rectangle on a pole here, what is that? Why does my thumb look like a penis? Sharks are rigging the election. Vote for me as many times as you can, goodnight!”

Weekend Sports Report

Golfer Braxton Slacks is pictured here throwing a golf club in the air which I have wilfully misinterpreted as a display of telekinesis for "comedic" purposes
“And for my next trick…”

Golf: Drama in the sport of dullards as reasonably famous golfer Braxton Slacks (above) was disqualified from the Anusol Soothing Eighteen Holes Outdoor Open Masters Open Tournament Masters for an overt use of telekinesis. Further up the field (also known as the fairway), hot favourites Roundabout Spleen and Tom Golfer were erased from existence by an as yet unborn golf-hating time traveller.

Baseball: Drama on Saturday as the Minnesota Baseball Players beat the Pittsburgh Douchebags by 16 cases of coronavirus to 9. As a result Major League Baseball has announced that future games will take place with each team in a separate stadium on different continents and the commentators on the International Space Station.

Tennis: Drama erupted this weekend for the first time in tennis history when world number one Willie Waever was disqualified from his match with fellow world number one Chutney Gimbal for arguing with the umpire, the net, the grass, a man he called at random on his mobile phone, and the sky.

Chivalry: Drama at the North European World Pan-Asian Chivalry Finals when top doubles teaming Pimples O’Frimp and Towser Brony tossed their cloaks onto rival pair Trapezium Jones and Yampers Gymbag’s puddle, causing widespread swooning.

Cricket: Drama in the third test twice removed between France and Kazakhstan in the North Atlantic when both teams were swallowed by an unusually large penguin.