The Not Good.

“I’m doing it on the advice of my wife Malaria.”

It has emerged this week that Elon Musk, CEO of Tesla, is a twat. The news, which came as a surprise to almost no-one, broke after a series of twatty actions by the electric car twat, causing all reasonable human beings to conclude that he is definitely a twat.

“I always knew he had a propensity for twattishness,” said Humboldt Fruitmagnet, a fruit magnate and Musk-watcher from Humboldt, Virginia. “But his twatting about this week has really cemented his reputation as a big flying twat.”

Social media twat-spotter Marie Biscuit, a widely respected expert in the field of online twattery, agreed. “It’s always been felt by the public that Musk could go either way, becoming a world-class testicle-faced brain genius or a solid gold cheese-topped caravan of twats. This week everyone has sort of had their eyes opened to the fact that he is, without doubt, King of the Twats, supreme ruler of the Kingdom of Twatsylvania.”

Chester Platelets, chief business correspondent for Fox News, had a different take, saying: “He seems like a reasonable guy to me.”

There’s no doubt about it: Obamagate is the political scandal exploding on the lips of every American’s face right now.

In the past few days President of the United States of America Donald J. Trump has made a number of incendiary fact-exclusive allegations about former president Barack Obama.

The mainstream fact-checking media would have you believe that none of the allegations are true, but the “good people” of America know better than to believe facts. To break it down, here’s what Obama did:

• You know what he did, it was confirmed at the time
• He was caught in the act; it was really a beautiful thing
• He was involved in the unmasking; the unmaskery was like nothing you’ve seen before
• “Sleepy” Joe Biden was involved in it too, he was right there

Whatever you might think of President Trump, these facts are indisputable: Obamagate is real and there can be no way now that Barack Obama can possibly win the 2020 U.S. election. What’s more, for his legal actions, President Trump should Throw Obama in the Slammer!

A girl scout poses with President Donald Trump during a ceremony organised by the president in the Rose Garden of the White House to recognise him as “Best President Ever”, Friday, May 15, 2020, in Washington. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon).

“It’s called Space Force because Trump’s Galactic Ass Wipes wouldn’t fit on the flag.”

“…well, Fauci worked for Obama, everyone knows that. I didn’t know that but now I know that. And Obama, you know, is a Democrat, he’s a big Democrat, one of the biggest actually - I bet you didn’t know that. And then you add to that the Obamagate, and we all know what that’s about. I knew about that way before anyone else, same as the virus, the disease, the invisible plague, Obama, Fauci, the corona, Obama - the Obamavirus, I call it. Obama spoke to China once. On the phone, did I tell you that? When he was president - illegitimate president - Obamaillegitipres, I called him. He had a big phone call with the Chinese president President Xi Jinping - big phone call, huge - I called it the Obamacall - and then four years later the virus hits - I mean, it’s undeniable. You can’t deny it. Obamagate, you’re going to be hearing a lot about that instead of the other thing, the 83,000 dead people, the Obamadead, I call them…”