Ban this sick filth

Last week I was handed a 12 hour ban by Twitter for my October 17th tweet “Jacob Rees-Mogg really is the cunt’s cunt.“. I appealed the ban, but the appeal was unsuccessful.

A screenshot of my appeal against my Twitter ban
Jacob Rees-Mogg really is the cunt’s cunt.

After a bit of thought, I decided to delete the offending tweet and, 12 hours later, I returned to Twitter. “Twitter gave me a 12 hour ban for, and forced me to delete, my “Jacob Rees-Mogg really is the cunt’s cunt” tweet. Which is odd, because Jacob Rees-Mogg really *is* the cunt’s cunt.” I said, knowing full well what would happen.

And it did. About an hour ago Twitter handed me a seven day ban, which will start when I delete the offending tweet about the offending tweet. I’ve appealed the ban.

A screenshot of my appeal against my second Twitter ban.
Jacob Rees-Mogg really *is* the cunt’s cunt.

I’m waiting for Twitter’s response, but I’m not hopeful.

To be clear, I’m not whingeing about Twitter banning me. It’s their site, they can enforce their rules however they see fit. For a site brimming with misogynists and fascists who issue death threats with gay abandon, though, my ban for expressing a non-violent, non-threatening personal opinion about a man who is quite clearly the cunt’s cunt seems like a misapplication of resources. I’m sure that cunt Jacob Rees-Mogg would disagree.

Update 2019-10-30: Twitter rejected my appeal, so I have deleted the offending tweet about the offending tweet, starting the countdown to the end of my seven day ban. In the meantime I can be found @ncguk1.

The White Engine

As Donald Trump gallops over democracy on a fascist horse that looks like Vladimir Putin, barely sentient third division footballer Stephen Yaxley Lennon is hailed as the “backbone of this country” by far-right crap-stick Steve Bannon, and Theresa May, Boris Johnson, Michael Gove and Jacob Rees-Mogg fight for the right to captain a completely needless Brexit toward the unforgiving rocks of Clusterfuck Island, it’s worth wondering: why shouldn’t you get into a cupboard, curl up in a ball and hide there for the rest of your life?

It’s a good question. Aside from starving to death or dying of thirst, there are other practical reasons why hiding in a cupboard won’t work. When Rees-Mogg’s Well-Dressed Dystopian Nazi Steampunk Top-Hat Death Squads come knocking on your door, for example, your cupboards are one of the first places they’ll look for you.

“What are you doing in that cupboard?” they’ll say.

“Everything is awful and I can’t take it any more,” you’ll say.

“Ah, we know whose fault that is,” they’ll say. “Come with us,” they’ll say.

So before that happens, get out of your cupboard and have a good look out of your window at the queasy gobfarts who are threatening to barf up a dismal new wave of fascist hate chunks.

Donald Trump
Bewildering small-handed real estate hairdo, reality TV presenter, golfer and part-time President of the United States (at time of writing), Donald Trump is known for his love of treason, money, racism and himself. He has been under the control of Russia and syphilitic brain worms since 1998.

Vladimir Putin
President of Russia, megalomaniac slaphead, low-rent Bond villain and pectoral exhibitionist Vlad is, for reasons of declining mental health, intent on pulling the world to bits for a laugh, using gullible narcissistic wankbats like Donald Trump and some of the humanoid shitwizards mentioned below. Vlad’s hobbies include murdering people and getting away with it and taking his shirt off and riding horsies.

Steve Bannon
Bannon, former chief strategist to Donald Trump and collection of animated dandruff, is a globe-trotting fascist who has visited Britain and met with Boris Johnson, Jacob Rees-Mogg and Michael Gove, three of Brexit’s most punchable proponents. He pops up from time to time like a boil or an unwanted erection, sticking his finger into the bumhole of far-right politics in the hope of tickling populism’s prostate.

Boris Johnson
Johnson’s career as the UK’s favourite humorous bumbling adulterous racist stood him in good stead when it came to lying his arse off during the Brexit campaign where he claimed that, by remaining in the EU, the UK would be forced to make square apples in Brussels sweatshops and to adopt the kilo as its unit of currency. By leaving he said, via a large bus, the NHS could receive an extra £360 million per week – a statement he made while pushing a foreign nurse into a wood chipper on live TV.

Jacob Rees-Mogg
Odious arsepencil Jacob Rees-Mogg is a passionate supporter of Brexit, the 1950s, workhouses, cholera, and pea-soupers. Still bitter after being fired from his position as Thin Controller during the privatisation of the railways, Rees-Mogg won’t rest until every employed person in Britain isn’t any more.

Michael Gove
Tiny, puny little Michael Gove is widely thought to be a harmless little shit which is why he’s most likely, post-Brexit, to become Prime Minister of the smouldering what’s left of the United Kingdom.

Stephen Yaxley Lennon
Whimpering spud Tommy Robinson is such a man of the people he doesn’t even use his real name because it sounds too posh. He is too wearyingly dismal to even contemplate.

Nigel Farage
Nigel intends to distance himself from the coming stupidity war until he deems it safe to emerge and sell chocolate and nylons from under his camel-hair coat.