Huge blow to coronavirus as UK government unveils new slogan

There was much rejoicing in the streets today as Prime Minister Boris Johnson dealt a huge blow to COVID-19 with the unveiling of his new slogan, “Oh God We’re All Going to Die”.

The UK government's new COVID-19 slogan, "Oh God, we're all going to die".

“While other countries have been researching treatments and vaccines for the virus,” Johnson said in a pre-recorded message to the nation, “Our government has been hard at work devising a new slogan that we believe will be a significant step in driving the virus back. We’re very proud of our hard work, and we believe this great new slogan will spread like wildfire around the country.”

Other political leaders in the UK were united in condemning the slogan, saying it was “irresponsible” to use yellow and green together.

Johnson said: “We went through a number of iterations of the slogan, including “Don’t Blame Boris”, “It’s Not Boris’s Fault”, “Not Everyone is Going to Die”, “Hey, You Never Know, it Might be Okay” and “Go Out if You Want, We Don’t Care”, but eventually we settled on the realistic and catchy slogan you see before you today.”

First Minister Nicola Sturgeon said Scotland would not be adopting the slogan yet, but may do so when the population of the country drops below 15.