Coronavirus has left PM immune to criticism, says Gove

He doesn’t have broad shoulders, he just has a small head

Cabinet Office minister Michael Gove has hit back at criticism of Prime Minister Boris Johnson, telling journalists that no matter how lazy, useless, bigoted, clueless and self-serving his friend is, he’s been very ill and his lack of action should not be condemned.

Responding to a story in the Sunday Times that Johnson skipped the first five emergency coronavirus meetings because “he couldn’t be arsed”, and that chances to respond to the virus were missed, Gove said it was “grotesque” that facts were being used to discredit the Prime Minister’s credibility.

“Boris is a loveable sponge pudding of a man, and his recent brave battle with the coronavirus has made him a towering hero the likes of which this country hasn’t seen since John Major,” a tearful Gove shouted through the letterbox in the front door of his Knightsbridge home.

“Pointing out things like his not attending emergency meetings, his failing to understand the urgency of the virus outbreak, his inability to obtain supplies for the NHS, and the time he hit that child with his car while he was drunk may cause his coronavirus to come back and it will all be your fault, you awful monsters!”

Boris Johnson could not be arsed to comment.